аўторак, сакавіка 28, 2006

Party in Abu Sifa

I had a busy morning today, having to attend a couple of meetings in Washington, DC but I still managed to zip over to Abu Sifa in Iraq for a few minutes.

Since the news is wonderful, I thought I'd share it with you. To begin with, Abu Sifa is a delightful paradise for humans, a piece of shit mud hut village where mortals rarely drink clean water and often waste away from completely preventable diseases like cholera. Flies routinely swarm the faces of rotten little children, hoping to suck in some moisture in this wonderfully dry and sandstorm ravaged collection of shacks.

Now it can be revealed to you that some of my delightful minions in the U.S. military authorized a raid on one of those pitiful huts. Hee hee, I can barely contain my glee. To cover up the party that was about to begin, the world was told it was a hunt for an "Al Qaeda member". Yeah right! Word to all you beautiful devil worshippers, you know that there's only 5 real Al Qaeda members in the world, right? And four of them are drinking goat's blood in the town of... well I can't tell you, but it's west of Islamabad and east of Kabul. Hey, I can't reveal all of my dark designs to you mortals.

Anyway, my minions in the U.S. military stormed into this little hut in Abu Sifa and machine gunned 11 completely innocent men, women and children! Isn't that just grand? And when they left, they made sure blow up the place to cover up their tracks. Except of course I made sure that a filthy Believer was nearby to recover the bodies and report my excellent handiwork to the wider world. Of course my greatest trick is nobody will believe American troops would do such a thing! Ahhh... why else do you think they call me the Prince of Lies? Am I a rank amateur?

Abu Sifa is just one of my many little projects in Iraq. I'm a busy little devil these days! I am proud to announce that a few days ago a similar operation in Haditha went down as well. Some pathetic do-gooders have started to connect the dots on my little "El Salvador option" , only just now learning how my minions have organized into sectarian death squads. Hey don't kid yourself you pathetic bloggers, I invented that technique long before El Salvador!

When I get more good news out of Iraq, I will be sure to let you know!

Until then, I remain your Dark Overlord.

Peace is War!

Greetings!

You may be wondering why I, the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Lies and Flies, the once mighty and now "downcast" angel Lucifer would be hosting a blog. Good question, mortals!

I decided to start posting my thoughts online for three reasons.

1) Everyone else has a blog, so why not my excellent darkness? It will be a way to improve my "Q" rating and help harvest souls as my minions reap death and destruction on your puny planet.

2) Donald Rumsfeld mentioned the other day that he needed bloggers to help spread the "good news". I thought that was simply a capital idea and so here I am!

3) The right-wing bloggers are right - the traditional media keeps covering up all the good news in Iraq, as well as from around the world. I intend to rectify that here on my blog immediately!

So, please relax and unwind, open up a bottle of the legalized poison called alcohol and imbibe heavily. Remember, the sooner you ruin your liver, the sooner you can come work for me directly! Also, please help yourself to a few cigarettes to deal with the tensions and stresses of your pathetic life. If you don't have the money for either of these two wonderful products, I heartily encourage you to go steal from one of your puny neighbors.

Let the Satanic blogging begin!